Tough Days Ahead

May 04, 2020

Tomorrow, at 3pm I will start the first of six cyberknife treatments. There will be two treatments a day for three consecutive days. There will be a short break between the daily sessions. For the first time since starting this process of playing ‘Whack-a-mole’1 with my secondary tumours, I have really needed extra some love and support. And oh my goodness, my family, friends and followers have stepped up.

I’m overwhelmed with the outpouring of love to me. From thoughtful messages, cards, flowers, baked goods, teas, toiletries, etc.

Only a very few times during the quarantine, have I felt very lonely, or isolated. Generally, I’m pretty good staying home with my own company. But I should know by now, that if I send up an emergency flare, I’ll get a response very quickly.

Since last week’s planning session, I’ve been trying to prepare as much as I can for the next round of cyberknife. I’ve spoken to the unit today, and I’ve confirmed I can use essential oils which my Facebook friends and followers have been helping me decide on. I will be taking in a CD lent to me by my friend, Katherine, so I can hopefully focus on that. I’ve been using Mindfulness to try and control my breathing and I’ll be taking two diazapan at 2pm so they will have well and truly kicked in by the time I start treatment.

I’m hoping to be able to take my little heart with me. I got them from Mrs Bee’s Emporium on Etsy for Imogen’s SAT’s so she knew she had a little bit of me with her. 2 Imy thought it would be a lovely idea if we could do the same for these sessions. It’s a brilliant idea. I’ll be dropping some essential oils on both of them too.


With less than 24 hours to go to the treatment that has made me the most anxious, I am trying to relax. To watch the tv and take my mind off things. To make the final decision of what oils I’ll be using. Because in 72 hours, this will all be over and I’ll be wondering what all the fuss was about. Probably with a large G&T.

After that, I’ll have a week and a half to prepare for my hip replacement.

So, thank you to everyone who has supported me in any which way. Keep on, keeping on and May The Fourth Be With You.


P.S. Please check out our Facebook page Big Lump and the Lawley’s for more regular updates.

  1. This is how one of my November 2013 Chemo Buddies, Carly, referred to it. Thanks Carly, it’s a perfect analogy. xx

  2. I got them from Mrs Bee’s Emporium shop of Etsy. Every year they do something different to support the children who are doing exams. They also have a lot of funny and quirky bits and bobs. Perhaps good for a #payifforward gift? Mrs Bee’s Emporium