Ups and Downs

Jan 16, 2014

We always knew this journey was going to have it's ups and downs, but I think we've been quite lucky with it so far.

That’s not to say that there’s not a lot going on, because we’ve still had the weekly blood tests, followed by chemo, but there’s been less high adrenaline activity.

So, feeling like I had fair wind behind me, I decided that on Tuesday I’d drive the 22 miles to the office to show my face. Although I’ve been working my normal four days a week, they’ve been at home, with my laptop. If I need a nap, I can have one, and the commute is as involved as walking to the study.

I completely underestimated how much the normal morning routine would take out of me. Getting the bairns up and dressed, getting my breakfast and lunch sorted, getting the bairns to breakfast club, driving to work. By the time I was sat at my desk, I was shattered. It was great to see people, and I appreciate some times a face to face conversation can save a lot of emails, but I certainly paid for it. By 3pm, I was struggling to keep my eyes open, so at 4pm I left. Once home, I had a bath and went to bed. Unfortunately, despite being tired to the bottom of my boots, I found it very difficult to sleep. The result being that come Wednesday morning, I was completely unable to get out of bed. I thought after an hour or so’s extra rest, I’d be able to get the laptop out and start working again, but no. I just couldn’t do it. I felt so low and useless and miserable. I admit, I had a little cry.

After a pep talk from The Gin Club and a cuddle from Ross, I felt better but still spent the rest of the day in bed, only getting up to find sustenance.

Wednesday nights sleep was much better, and on Thursday morning, we tipped off to the hospital for my Pre-Chemo blood tests. On the way, I checked my phone, and found I had won a pair of earrings in a Facebook competition. This was just the boost I needed. It was going to be a good day. And it was. I was glad to get back to work once we got back from the hospital, and put in a good solid block of time getting lots of ticks on my to do list.

Lesley, kindly provided a home made pie for tea (thank you Lesley), and it was time to spend some time with my bairns, I do feel like they haven’t been getting the best of me of late. I don’t think there is a best of me to have at the moment, but once the chemo is over with, I’m hoping to get fighting fit again so I can remind them what it’s like to have a normal mummy, before I get hit with the surgery.

Still, one day at a time.