Julia is downstairs putting some code live, she can’t sleep and said she’d do it yesterday when the world was normal. If you can’t sleep its good to focus on something.

We told the kids before school, both Julia and I choked back tears when reading “Mummy’s Lump” - a book about breast cancer given to us yesterday. How did it come to this? I found it achingly difficult, so we went over it again. We told Imogen & Felix to make sure they don’t bottle it up. Imogen seems to understand but Felix is a different matter, he wanted to know more about the lump and wanted to feel it.

We took the kids in late to school and spoke to the head mistress. She was great and understanding of the situation. The kids will get a card to hold up if they ever need time out. No questions will be asked they can go and sit with the head mistress and chill. This is an enormous comfort and its good to know the kids are in safe hands.

I call my mum up again are a text from dad, saying he’s thinking of us and struggling to get his head round the news. Its good talking to mum, she’s still in shock but is being pragmatic and asking questions about the treatment. This time I cry as I express my fears. The biggest being I’m worried I won’t live up to expectations and be strong enough for Julia. Today has been a really leaky day for my eyes! And emotions are still so strong and raw - it’s a lot to take in.

I email the gin club dads telling them about the news and that I will need help, support, beers and sometimes to escape the insanity of the family in the coming days.

Julia has a nap and I head off to parents evening. Its good to focus on the kids and they are both doing well. Imogen is having her normal first half term of the year issues - some alpha positioning thing with the teacher and class mates. The teacher loves her passion and there are a few things to work on but on the whole shes settling in this year great. I think the teacher was shocked when Imogen did a “My Mums got Breast Cancer” talk for show and tell! Well we did say don’t bottle it in! Felix’s review was awesome, he’s such a lovely boy and the teachers are really impressed with him and his progress. Julia and I are lucky to have such fantastic kids.

In the evening, I start to feel more lucid and actually myself. Julia and I chill watching rot on the TV and it feels closer to normal. All our close friends and family know and I plan on setting up a blog tomorrow to help get these feelings out.

Rx