Recently, I’ve been finding myself reflecting on things. It could just be the time of the year - a new year and all that, or it could just be my brain trying to make sense of the madness of it all. Either way, I hope it helps and in the future when memories have faded, it will shine a light on thoughts in the eye of the storm.

Julia

Julia is a star. She’s generally been dealing with a weekly dose of poison with such amazing courage and stoicism to it. However, it has been so hard to observe the bone crushing fatigue that it brings. Chemotherapy, each week takes a higher toll on her. It’s probably the wrong way round, the toll is the same but the acculation of it means it’s been taking longer and longer to recover. So much so, this week they postponed her weekly chemotherapy, to give her a chance to recover before starting again next week. The result was Julia was able to get out of bed and do things with the kids by herself on Saturday. Something, that hasn’t happened for months.

We both are looking forward to the end of chemotherapy but it’s also scary, there’s the next stage of the journey to go and we aren’t even 100% of what that will fully entail. It’s probably best not to know - too much information and all that.

The kids

Both kids are doing well but unsurprisingly Imogen has been hit the hardest. There’s been tears and tantrums from them both, but with Imogen there’s just more. More anger, more bitterness, more shouting and more tears. She has woken scared, wanting to read the Mummys Lump book, which helps reassure her of the future. She’s become territorial of her room and once she feels aggrieved, it takes time and space for her to calm down. It’s difficult if she decides to do that just before the school run and all stress levels rise. Felix, for the most part seems to be taking it all in his stride, he’s had a couple of moments mind. Felix is having nightmares and there have been a couple of nighttime accidents, so even though he might not understand exactly whats happening it still is impacting him.

Me

I’m still scared about the future, there have been times I’ve woken in the middle of the night for no real reason, but I’m not the type of person who dwells on things too much. Although, I’ve come to absolutely hate fridays. It’s the worst day of the week by far and it impacts me alot. I have a trifecta of pressure that simmers throughout the day - getting the kids to and from school, trying to get my work done and watching Julia go from being the best she has been for a week to being floored. It really is the crappiest of days.

I’m pleased to say I’m handling being chief laundry man well - mind I haven’t done any ironing this year but as there’s only two items in the ironing pile who cares! I’m generally very busy, but I’m now used to it. I can get grumpy when I don’t get much time to sit and chill at weekends but on the whole I’m busy and happy to be so.

Janathon and Dryathlon have been fun and are a good distraction. The only downside is the month feels soo long! How can it still be Janurary?!