As it transpired, it was a good year. We moved into a new house, we had a couple of great holidays, as a family, things were fantastic, everyone was happy but it was also the year where things changed for me forever.
I’ve gone over what it feels like to have the rug pulled out from under you before, I’m not going to rake over old ground. I’m here 2 years on, feeling very grateful I’ve got to another New Year, still not dead. But it’s going to take me a long time yet to get over it mentally.
Imogen has requested that as a New Year’s resolution, I try not to shout as much. I’ll give it a go, but I’m also going to try and not have any medical interventions that I don’t choose myself. (Ha, like I have any say in that!) In 2015, I finished Herceptin, and had two lots of surgery and still more scans, and consultant appointments. I’m tired of hospitals. Tired of doctors. Tired of tests. And just generally tired.
After the latest round of tests, I’ve been told that my health is pretty perfect, which is obviously great news! I’m just experiencing the after effects of 2 years of medical interventions. Just. Ok, great. Thanks. I’ve had Cancer, can I just move on now? No! I need to build up my stamina again, but it’s proving tricky. I can swim 40 lengths in half an hour, do a pilates class, walk the kids to and from school, but every morning I wake up feeling like I could sleep for a week. I can’t even do a full day at work without having to take two days to recover! It’s just annoying. I want to be able to do everything that I want to do, everything that I used to be able to do, and I can’t and it’s really frustrating me!
So, what are my New Year Resolutions? It may sound dramatic, but I’d like to stay alive. I’d like to get to my 40th birthday in Feb 2017. The type of cancer I had, before the days of Herceptin, it would have been game over. Grade 3, HER2+ breast cancer is not good news, it spreads fast and wide. Luckily, I’ve had the Herceptin, hopefully it’s got rid of all the baddies that were lingering that the surgery didn’t get, and we can carry on. I’ve been signed up for a Macmillan Hope course in January which will hopefully help me deal with The Fear.
So that’s the second one and to be fair, I think I’ll stop there. That’s enough to be going on with.
To all my friends and family who have been with me on the journey so far, I thank you. I’m sorry to be a Cancer bore. I can rely on you all to keep my spirits up, and tell me how it is. In fact, I think Rachel said “God, Julia, just because you’ve had cancer doesn’t mean you get special treatment!”. Keeping it real!