A hard week

Jan 12, 2014

It's been a tough old week that's left me physically and emotionally drained.

Work started and I’ve missed it! I’m lucky that I love programming and get paid to do it. After a while of being away from keyboard I start to get twitchy, so I managed to get back into it quickly. I have a new monitor that is epic and also makes working from home much easier. I’ve now ordered a new IKEA Lack coffee table and shelf and soon my standing desk will be complete.

I headed into the office on Tuesday and got a keyboard and trackpad for home. It was good to catch up with people, some which I haven’t seen since Julia’s diagnosis.

Wednesday, we had an appointment to see the chemo doctor. We have been on tender hooks since New Years about illness, Julia has had a sore throat and we are worried it will head to her chest. The dr wasn’t happy that Julia was reporting some breathing and chest pains so he booked her in for a ct scan just to rule out a blood clot caused by her port. He was 80% sure it was just a viral infection but it was best to rule it out. We headed off to Spire in the afternoon and had the scan.

I don’t think we slept well on Thursday night, pre chemo nights cause Julia to be restless. Friday comes and we’re both knackered, we get the kids to school and head off to the hospital again. Julia’s bloods are ok, red cells are still low so more beef and greens next week! Julia sleeps for most of the chemo as the piriton knocks her out and I work away. Time soon passes and we head home. Julia sleeps a lot on chemo days and I stress about getting work done, picking the kids up, cooking tea and getting Imogen to gymnastics. By bedtime I’m knackered stressed and feeling low.

Adding to the stress is doing Janathon and Dryathlon, finding time to exercise and sort everything can be hard also there have been times I could kill a beer! There is still time to sponsor me ;)

Saturday morning I take the kids swimming, Imogen has her lesson first, then Felix and once done we have to hot foot it to Imogen’s dance class in Letchworth. Imogen does her part but after 30 mins of swimming with Felix he suddenly decides he’s not doing his lesson. No warning just point blank refused, arms crossed and face set. I argue that he has to but he screams when I pick him up to get him nearer to the class. It’s not like he won’t enjoy it once he gets in… Then when the teacher (Amy) picks him up and brings him over to the class he screams again. I leave him so he can join in, but after 15 mins after the lesson was supposed to start he’s still standing there I collect him.

Not best pleased about things and the waste of money, I tell Felix he’s lost lego Star Wars rights and he won’t go to rugby until he does a swimming lesson. I’m fuming and it takes me a while to cool down. That afternoon, we decide Felix can go to rugby if he rides his bike. Disaster! We head to the park and Felix refuses to pedal. Both Julia and I try to coax him and we both nearly binned his bike. The mission for Felix to be able to win back rugby failed miserably.

I cook a beef Wellington for tea to keep Julia’s bloods healthy. We’ve started doing meal plans for the week and click and collect at the super market in a bid to reduce the waste and save money. Everyone enjoys it and I’m told I’ll be cooking it again.

That night Imogen wobbles at bedtime, she’s worried about mummy’s cancer and wants to read Mummy’s Lump, the book we were given to explain things to the children. Felix goes to bed much more quietly than usual.

I’m worn out but can’t sleep, the fallout from my old blog post still goes on. Julia isn’t happy about being drawn into it and doesn’t want to ignore that and I support her. My parents ask about coming over in April to support after the surgery, and I’ve been putting off responding because as things stand it would be too stressful, it’s heartbreaking. Its been a shitty week but tomorrow is another day.

Sunday is bright and crisp, Felix had an accident in the night so first order of duty is to shower him and wash the kids bedding. Then I head to the gym and feel much better after. I love fresh frosty bright days. After breakfast Imogen decides she wants to make mini cheesecakes. We head out to the shops, then she makes them, she rocks and makes awesome lime cheesecakes!

After lunch I take the kids out on bikes again, Felix is up for it today. I don’t let him walk with his bike to the park but get him to pedal whilst I push him. He wants to walk a couple of times but I don’t let him. We have fun and get to the park quickly. Felix is a different person today, he finds peddling hard but tries and succeeds. Lots of praise. He has a great time and I find a little grass ramp for Imogen to cycle down, she’s a dare devil and is brilliant. She falls off the ramp but gets straight back on. Felix has a go at cycling on the path and finds it easier. He’s nearly self sufficient, mission successful, he is going to rugby next week. Some good headology has got him past the finish line and he’s pleased as punch and tells Julia when he gets home.

Next week will be a better week.